this could be nilah's

2008-01-27T21:53:00.000+08:00

"the writers weren't kidding about how all good things must end"

and like good things, this blog full of wonderful posts has to go as well.

i gave in to eljay, and things aren't lookign too good, but i'll stick to it because i would be a hypocrite if i changed it back.

http://everydaypaper.livejournal.com

dropped the hyphen but it's still all me.

2008-01-02T10:07:00.001+08:00

regina has mad skillz.

have a happy new year and all the best for 2008.

come join me in my tent as i reminisce on the year 2007.

2007 was a good year, one of the most memorable too.

first of all, i had the best birthday gifts from my parents and friends.
uk was definitely a trip to remember.

secondly, singfest was a blast.
it's one of those things taht i can never get over with so deal with it.

thirdly, the new friends and blah blah blah, you probably read this on someone else's blog already so i am going to spare you the drama.

i think i've changed the most during this year, in terms of my maturity.
i deserve a gold star.

oh and i spent my last day of 2007 at nasri's house playing taboo and twister with everyone.
there was a lot of screaming and the scene did not look pretty.
mama did an impersonation of a transformer robot and ariq, who starts primary school today, taught me how to kill Zamorofin soldiers in Runescape in order to steal the their kingdom flags on time.
what a way to end it.

and ho ho ho what a day to begin the year!
my other cousins and i played paintball at a place called bottle tree at sembawang.
it was super fun, my team won 5 out of 6 games and i became a sacrficial bunny in the end but we still won so hooray for me.

but last night a piece of shit got embeded in my eye so it's irritating the fuck out of me. i couldnt sleep and thus i'm trying to conserve energy by just working my fingers on the keyboard and doing nothing else.
went to an A&E but that blind bitchdoctor said tehre was nothing.
she put anaesthesia in my eye so i was reading books like how papa does when he doesn't have his galsses.
like i was holding the book 1 metre away from my face and squinting like a mad santi.

i know my blogging skillz have been quite pathetic because everything so sporadic right now, my brain's spazzing out from all the fun i had in the holidays and i have lost all (any?) ability to think rationally.

yippee hooray

ps i wonder what the lab technician does when no one's looking.
haha i'm looking at him now.

2007-12-10T20:22:00.000+08:00

blogger refused to cooperate so goodbye everydaypaper : (

hello eljay : o

2007-12-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

citizens of tomorrow, be forewarned.

man, if i had a dollar for every robots-will-takeover-the-future song i listen to, i'd be able to buy a Toyota trumpet-playing robot myself.

the future really freaks me out.

Arthur Harkins, a futurist, made very accurate predictions in the past.
he said the computer would become an essential personal element of life, and he also said the worldwideweb would be exposed to more and more people at a really fast rate.
he said the rate of dynamic changes in technology would double up as it progresses.
which means gadgets beyond your imagination would appear sooner than you think they would.

he also wants to live to see these dynamic changes occur.
he said that he wanted to live forever.
seriously.
to quote,"i don't see why anyone would want to die"
he even hired the services of a "longevity expert", a doctor who specialises in keeping people alive by telling them what to eat, in Harkins' case, "8 cups of green tea, 250 supplements and alkali water- everyday. and injections every week" (discovery channel 2007)
lenubis has taught me well~.

Harkins is 58 this year.
his ancestors barely made it to his age.
and he is expected to live another 15 years.

my question to Harkins is "why would anyone want to live any longer than he should?"
the world's getting crazier, not any more sane.
why would you want to tolerate the nonsense in the future just to witness some changes that may even be the cause of all the madness?

idk, that's my opinion.
i dont want to live forever.
i dont want to take 250 supplements,
or drink alkali water every day.
i think green tea is O.K.

Harkins can go and die~

i think this has been the most enriching rant i've ever made in a while.

watch hui ping's short film on her blog.
it depicts how felt cloth creatures experience mutual love despite extreme differences.
and it's set to bjork music.
near-perfect timing.

i'm drawing the storyboard for mine.
i hope we can get compile all our shorts for a dvd, then sell.
all profits will go to Singapore's Association for Next Time's Intellects.

wow.
doug covers are awesome.
i really like his rendition of The Kids Are All Fucked Up.
it'd really make a sweet song for some sappy rom-com~~~
his cover of Slow Down is quite gloomy though :/

almost every song is unrecognisable, with an entirely different mood.
he even managed to make fall out boy $€xy?

2007-12-08T15:46:00.000+08:00

why the fuck are things going missing at this fucking point in time.

that's better.

now.
time to clean up this mess.
D :

regina has always asked me this: "why are your parents so strict?"
and ive never really answered the question everytime she asked me that.
i've no idea really.
but i can't complain because there's no point in doing so.

and as long as i'm okie with them, there won't be any awkward situations like the house being quiet becuase of cold war or anything.
yes call it "sucking up" but it does come with priviledges sometimes.

this whole over-protected environment isn't bad because i think i'd do worse without it.

but the one thing i'm worried about-
what happens when i have to be on my own?
what happens when there aren't any rules?

I'M NOT STREET SMART.

i hate the fact that i try to prove myself as being independent and shit by straying away from the mainstream when i'm actually not.
at least that's how i think i am.

i don't know.

in the words of Derek Zoolander, "Who am I?"

this is so haha-wow-but-please-enough-with-the-comments.

mcr fans ah, a bit sore loser ah.
A BIT AH.

2007-12-07T23:42:00.000+08:00

i'm not a fan.

2007-12-07T08:31:00.000+08:00

this website makes me feel like a superhero.

not the superman sort.

more along the lines of a league of extraordinary gentlemen (and lady).
and maybe the umbrella academy.

at this time of the year, when the weather really seems almost too predictable, i just feel like staying home all day long~

but no.
there's some unfinished business to attend to.

2007-12-06T20:41:00.000+08:00

i never knew i had this "€" key until now.

hey.

starbucks was giving out free drinks from 5-7pm today.
being the predictable singaporean that i was, i decided to get soemthing to drink.

i thought i was smart in deciding to go to the one at Tan Tock Seng Hospital since it's practically deserted there most of the time.

however, i was wrong.
the line was quite long and they even had to make 2 queues.
so, being the impatient person i sometimes am, i bought a cup of green tea frappe and skipped the line.

happiness in a cup.

anyway, amirah, mama and i went to novena after that and we browsed around.

whilst doing so, we saw this guy rehearsing on this temporary ice-skating rink.
here are some photos of Bill's ice-skating body double.

bill much?

that's why i stayed until teh actual performance.
ice-skating really is ghey.
he fell at one point when he was doing this fliperoo move thing.

i clapped until amirah's ears hurt.

2007-12-05T17:22:00.000+08:00

in tasmania, people laugh like "HOHAHO"

7 years ago, we could have been good friends, laughing at this.

i dont understand why they suddenly had to make this really dumb video:
Baby Girl, I'm A Blur.
but max bemis' headbanging movements make me laugh.

another haha

YET another hahahaha

2007-12-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

2007-12-04T19:49:00.000+08:00

it's impossible to not have fun at hospitals when they're around.

greetings from tan tock seng.
damn i'm bored.

at 77, my grandfather's having his first operation.
and it's some glaucoma in his eye that they're removing.

he's awesome.

2007-12-01T18:49:00.000+08:00

back from 2 and 3/5 days of exile.

i started a joke
which started the whole world crying.
but i didn't see that the joke was on me.

i started to cry
which started the whole world laughing.
if i'd only seen that the joke was on me.

i looked at the skies
running my hands over my eyes
and i fell out of bed
hurting my heads from things that i said.

till i finally died
which started the whole world living.
if i'd only seen that the joke was on me.

2007-11-28T21:15:00.000+08:00

Ataraxia

Ataraxia (Ἀταραξία) is a Greek term used by Pyrrho and Epicurus for freedom from worry or any other preoccupation.

oh hey.
it
got
regrettably
worse.

are there any courses about this...?

2007-11-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

excellent.

don't let the "complimentary" fool you, we paid 7 bucks but i think the film was worth so much more.

it's about personified creatures, namely the aristocratic white mice and oak-dwelling bird-fox-hybrid craftsmen, living in the woods who are fighting over a woman mannequin slash surrogate mother thing which eventually ends in tragedy.
oh by the way, it's dialogueless.

ahahaha it makes so much more sense when i think about it for so long after watching it.

it's sort of like Dali + Lynch + Svankmajer!
yes my favourites all rolled into one.

loved 70 minutes of it all.
except the parts where lolping's stomach growled so loudly.

www.christianecegavske.com
it took her 13 years to make the film.
tedious much?

oh and she also did the animated parts for The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things.
ahmad, do you still have the link to it?
i sort of want to watch it again just to observe the animated parts.

i think ravens are one of cegavske's signatures.
cakes and red string too.

i wish i could do this everyday, spontaneously watching REAL films like this, in the company of lolping who half the time knows exactly what i'm talking about.

the search for a new notebook continues...
sitex this weekend, can't wait.

gudbai regina and michelle lai, say hi to my distant cousins for me.

will be indulging in life's simple pleasures with ali tomorrow- pratas.

i know my phone is somewhere in the house but i'm far too lethargic to go rummage.

2007-11-26T22:27:00.000+08:00

my songs are memorable~

kahhweeeee says:
the show enchanted has the song you love

this could be nilah says:
YES I KNOW I WATCHED

this could be nilah says:
WHEN TEH MOON HITS YOUR EYE~

kahhweeeee says:
i was like

kahhweeeee says:
omg nilah

kahhweeeee says:
your name came to my mind

2007-11-25T10:20:00.000+08:00

batam feels like johor, only more backward.

this deserves a post.

went to batam yesterday to see what all the fuss was about.

this shit happened at the ikan bilis factory the tourguide took us to:

"yang itu ikan bilis, takde packet besar besar punye ke?" an asshole singaporean asks.

"i. don't. work. here." and nilah carries on looking at the terrapins in the tank.

don't ask me why the tour guide brought us to an ikan bilis factory.
apparently dried fish bladders seem like a good investment to some of them locals.

well, he did warn us not to compare batam with anything in singapore.
you cannot compare singapore with batam. at all.

we just ended buying random stuff like american imported marshmallow popcorn, cup noodles, japanese imported super mario pouch and j.co donuts...

in conclusion, i think singaporeans mainly go there to buy stuff.
because everything is dirt cheap.
and the food there is not bad.
authentic mee bakso rocks my world.

other than cheap stuff and yummy food, batam unfortunately does not provide much novelty at all...

unless you've not taken a ferry before.
which, if you ask me, was a rather unpleasant experience for most of us yesterday.
the confusion, the queueing, the smells.
but we saw this weird looking porter guy we called the Beefcake in the mornign and at night at the ferry terminal.
weirdo works there fulltime.

and air-conditioning is not worth any concern for the people who live in batam.
despite the fact that it's as hot as hell.

batam,
not for me.

2007-11-24T23:53:00.000+08:00

i've got pretty high standards for someone who doesn't have any use for them yet.

2007-11-21T00:29:00.001+08:00

self-explanatory lawlgif

thanks loo

2007-11-20T20:11:00.000+08:00

hello, will you be my new friend?

onscreen keyboard is like flashgame.

2007-11-19T14:45:00.000+08:00

greetings from art republic

2007-11-18T10:52:00.000+08:00

i hate mother jokes.

"come on la give me your best yo mamma"

my response:
your mother's so big i can't see the sky.

"hmmmm okai"

enjoying my breakfast while watching Jan Svankmajer's "Food"

i don't think Syarah can take Svankmajer.

bizarre and eerie shits.

2007-11-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

FOR THE LOVE OF TURNIPS.

i'm a real horrible cca president.
i procrastinate.
it shows, i know.
i can't even say i have matured enough to hold such responsibilities.
oh well, iota would just have to LIVE with it.
even if it kills the cca.

the animation course i took is awesome and it's just Day 1.
until we get to finish up on OUR very own stop-motion movie, i shall post a bunch of crazy animation movies we got to see today for the next few posts.

here's this video about a very sneaky and more obviously, freaky rabbit.
it's only exciting when you view it for the first time though.
it gets boring at the second viewing.
the nurserybook-like illustrations and labels are the cutest.

somethign else about rabbits,
watch the whole thing because the ending is just incredible.
Rabbit in the Headlights
by Unkle.

darkly dreaming dexter;
i feel that the show is getting a bit soap opera-ish when it gets to a point where he fucks the only girl with a british accent and breaks up with his girlfriend.
what happened to the emotionless psychopath i loved.

2007-11-13T21:09:00.000+08:00

"who do you plan to educate?"

"i mainly want to make stuff up, so i'm really not that good to have around children, or other people who aren't too sure about what's what yet."

ergo, i can't teach.

2007-11-12T09:33:00.000+08:00

A Postcard to Nina(live)
by Jens Lekman.

swoons.
idk, it's either him or his ukelele.

we bailed out of boot camp.

2007-11-10T18:58:00.000+08:00

venting my frustrations on the flyer i found on the floor.

i've just spraypainted the iota banner, and god does it look bitching.

Felix the Cat and The Magic Bag of Tricks.

i want a Magic Bag of Tricks too.

1111th post.

2007-11-09T12:19:00.000+08:00

it's been a lifetime.

just let me post about singfest one last time, and i promise the topic will never come into our conversations ever again.
this is going to be one hell of a lengthy post.

well, i know it's been three months, not really a lifetime.
but that day itself was so phenomenal that it could not have possibly lasted a mere day.
that day was something special.
which is the purpose of this post, dedicated to that one fateful day three months ago where i met the most amazing people in the world.
i'm just going to type out what i wrote in my journal.

you know they're not ordinary if you've listened to their songs without getting bored.
they're especially exceptional if their words somehow changed your life in some way.
if that one single song, the first song you ever listened to by them, left a huge impact on you, so much so that your attitude towards life got flipped 180 degrees, and it became your all-time favourite song by the band.

aside from inspiring you, they entertain you with their antics week by week, making sure their fans never ever lose out on their little inside jokes or anything.
which makes them the sweetest assholes in the world because they would give so much for their fans.

3 months ago, at this very minute, i would be seeing the academy is... in the flesh right now.
so when you finally get to meet them, you freeze up and feel warm all over, delirious and in a daze because the experience is just too surreal.

all the imaginary conversations you had with each one of them seems to have vaporized and you just don't think right.
they're right there before you, along with 50-odd girls swamping them.
but you just stand there in awe.

you're put into "instinct" mode, and all you notice is how they look, how they smell, how they feel and how they sound.
any form of intelligence just... disappears.
and at that moment you realise that they're people just like you, and if they could make a big impact on you, you certainly can too.

so during those few precious seconds as you get more accustomed to the fact that they are human too, you feel more and more comfortable and are finally able to approach them for that once-in-a-lifetime shot.

the day then keeps getting better and better.
you meet more and more tremendous characters.
not just the bands, but also the fans.

they're the people who share the same obsession with you, and are not in any way shy to show it.
and when we came together, we were unstoppable.
that day we all endured the waiting, the weather, the inconsiderate idiots and the funny and strange characters in the crowd.
we were all there for each other, i myself gave the santi girls as much water as i could get.
it was a weird experience around them, it was like you know that girl somewhere from back in the day where you were young(er) at some point[that doesn't exists].

we were one single entity, unified by the same words and music that we are fond of.
as you all know, some of us even wore the same shirts.
which brings me to say this next regrettably lame comment,"we ARE the SAME blood".

i love singfest, and everything about it.

here is a list of who i want to thank:

-the bands, especially TAI and cobrahhh for being incredibly wonderful and sweet for playing here without a night's rest. i hope you'll all come back on a headliner and perhaps we'll meet again

-dee, i love you so much for being there.

-my sisters, who were totally 100% supportive and sneaky!

-zee, for the shirt, the blogksin and for simply being a happy and complying co-founder of a very successful CampTAI!

-sipei, for the coupons and for supporting our shirt movement.

-everyone who bought our shirts!

-maya, for the santi sticker on my old razr.

-therese, for the santi tattoos.

-geraldine, hui loo, syarah, jessie, maria, farah, michelle, zach, kah hwee, jan, regina, and everyone who had to endure my annoying references to singfest.

-nadirah, for falling in love with TAI and cobrahh after my introduction.

-PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ THE FUCKING THIRD for making TAI possible!

-fueled by ramen

-THE INVENTOR OF THE INTERNET.

santi, all of you.

so here is a long line of photos taken by yours truly at singfest.
beware beware this will be a bitch on dialups.
(btw i know my watermarks are annoying, but that's the point, you see)

2007-11-08T11:47:00.000+08:00

POANG.

no that's not what i'm going to name my future child.
no that's not !kung bushmen language for "i need to pluck berries".
no that's not a tiger yawning.

trust ikea to give names like that to chairs.

i normally would disapprove of mass-produced furniture...
but ikea smells good.
not as sinister as other mass-produced furniture labels [i really don't know any other brand anyway]

anyhow it was nice reading pride and prejudice on that chair.
i'll probably spend my whole day sitting there too.
nah, i'll switch to the sofa before it self-combusts in jealousy.

it would be nicer if i lived in a quaint little cottage on the french countryside.
right about now, i'd be fuelling the fireplace with more firewood i've just chopped on the tree stump outside the house.
i would be picking up my steaming mug of green tea made from tea leaves i harvested from the herb garden next to the tool shed last saturday.

i'd have my grandma bathrobe and furry slippers on...
i'd be munching on hors douvres while waiting for lunch.

and i'd be listening to mixtapes with songs like:

Dis moi encore
by été 67
(i love everything about this video)

or

Un autre que moi
by Saint Andre
(creds to shanns for recommending)

or

A Cause des Garcons (original)
by Yelle
(because they're just so awesome and i'm guilty for having 5 remixes. i swear the original is the best. and the video is just so adorable.)

or

Elephant Gun
by Beirut
(beautiful music, i know it isn't french but it feels so french cottage-ish. YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THE OTHER VIDEOS BUT YOU MUST WATCH THIS.)

i know that ikea has nothing at all to do with french music.
but whatev man.

this blog isn't deep and insightful is it?
i could be deep.
if you prefer it.
idk...
I WANT TO STAY 17 FOREVER.
who am i kidding.
i can't blog deep.

HAPPY DEEP-DAY.
deepavali, that is.

ps.
i have a very sporadic train of thought,
like, "POANG".
and non-stop gilmore girls marathons are making it way worssssse than i can ever imagine.

SALUT~

2007-11-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

story of the day

i can remember walking down the street, saying my name over and over, until all of a sudden, it didn't sound like my name anymore.
it didn't even sound like a word at all and then i stopped and the silence rushed in and whispered words that sounded more like my real name and i smiled and thought to myself how surprised my parents would be when they found out what a mistake they had made.

happy seven eleven day.

2007-11-06T13:21:00.000+08:00

i honestly have no idea what's on my dad's job descrption.

2007-11-05T02:41:00.000+08:00

ahem-

these things...

i miss the old honda and 'amirah.

all my usb ports dont't work.

dan keyes is young love.
young love is like hellogoodbye all grown up.

viva la cobra is like spraypainting floors while drinking a shirley temple.
the city is at a war
playtime for the young and rich
ignore me if you see me 'cause I just don't give a shit
the city is at war
bless the young and rich
with designer drugs and designer friends

this could be nilah says:
i intend to use black tape to save the world.

2007-11-03T22:55:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is...

homebody day.

to-do list:
-clean.
-gilmore girls marathon.
-eye-and-are.
-write letters.
-clean.
-bake cookies.
-clean.
-cook soup.
-clean.
-clean.
-clean.

ssad, PLEASE UPDATE :(
-your friendster
-your purevolume
-your blog

pouts.

2007-11-03T07:41:00.000+08:00

i had a nightmare about this.

.
..
...

2007-11-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

you're the strangest person I ever met, he said and i said you too and we decided we'd know each other a long time.

2007-11-01T00:11:00.000+08:00

all dressed up with somewhere to go

we were dancing all night, i am serious.

2007-10-30T22:27:00.000+08:00

i'm up to no good.

2007-10-30T21:30:00.000+08:00

a fierce~ tamew tiger

this is a magical beast that holds the secret of light and shadow in a safe place in her heart and when it has been too long grey, she starts to dance and laugh and cry and sing and the sunlight fills her up and spills in wild abandon back into the world again.

i'm turning up as a lost phantom tourist tomorrow.
happy halloween.

SANTI PANTI FRUSCIANTI
RANTI FANTI GREAT GABANTI

first 15 minutes of The Gods Must Be Crazy-
very GP-ish, insightful and funny beyond hilarious.

2007-10-29T16:59:00.000+08:00

america's next fierce~ model.

2007-10-27T01:04:00.001+08:00

THAT'S AMORRREEE

(In Napoli where love is king
When boy meets girl here's what they say)

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine
That's amore
Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay
Like a gay tarantella

When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool
That's amore
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet
You're in love
When you walk down in a dream but you know you're not
Dreaming signore
Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli
That's amore

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine
That's amore
Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay
Like a gay tarantella
Lucky fella

When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool
That's amore
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet
You're in love
When you walk down in a dream but you know you're not
Dreaming signore
Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli
That's amore, (amore)
That's amore

2007-10-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

when the moon hits your eye
like a big pizza pie
that's AMORRRRRE...

"more air, dude"

i have a feeling that singing in an italian accent calms my nerves down before oh-pee.

i'm so sick of peedubbs that i have been trying to avoid usage of the computer for days...

sigh, consequently, i've only just watched this week's TAI:tv, which airs every monday at 8am (if you didn't know by now).
i want dress up as a taco now.
(no that's not what i'm actually going as because it's a secret some of you may not know about)

the latest dexter morgan episode is taking 72365 lifetimes to load!
i feel like killing someone!
argh.
if i were someone as awesome as dexter, i'd start with CODENAME: KK.
and i'd fill my inkless printer cartridges with her blood.
"i may be a bitch"
-understatement of the year.

i've had so much fun laughing about tigers, hand signs and such these few days-
thanks to valerani, veegops and jessieyammal.
so much so that i've gone to the extent of forgetting that my malay A levels are next week because the thought of visiting the harimaus at the zoo is just too awesome!

there comes a point where you laugh so much until you can't laugh anymore and you're exhausted.
and that's how im feeling right now.
very very tired.
but strangely enough, not sleepy.

i spent about an hour sleeping just now after i came home,
then i woke up and watched The Gods Must Be Crazy (which is the fucking most hilarious movie i have ever seen, !not kidding!)
what's left of the energy i have for tonight is as miniscule as my malay vocab range.
which isn't funny, by the way.

and now, while waiting for dexter morgan to load, i'm watching cobra starship's foshizzling new trailer for Viva La Cobra:

i suggest you watch it.
Cobra's new tunes are bitching.
that bangla looks so pervy.
and Little Superstar's dance moves are FRESH.

cue maria saying "enough with this un-introvert urges to dance ah"

my lovely i have decided one hundred percent that i'm not going to study at bc.
I WANT TO STUDY IN FRANCE WITH SHANNELLE.

yay dexter's loaded.

DEX THA SEX
bai for now

FIERCE~

2007-10-23T21:08:00.000+08:00

i laughed so hard, i couldnt breathe right.

tigers
gods
bald
hairy
comparisons
x's
z's
lers
hors
wors
des
neck-high buttons
tigers
tigers
and more
tigers...

videos and photos will go to my vgops montage.
yes veets, i have one.

today was an ironic example of RACIAL HARMONY vs internal race discrimination.

2007-10-22T21:35:00.000+08:00

singing the same chorus to a song that hasn't even been wrote

my lovely wants me to grow my hair out becuase she misses "the lovely curls".

hmmm.
i'll give it a go i guess.

i cant wait for mid-november to come.

life has been so mundane, i think i've lost my sense of humour.
even papa cracks funnier jokes than i do at home.
:/

3 razrs? not enough is it?
wow.
it's incredibly annoying to have them side by side on my desk.
like a timeline.

oh great mother goose of peedubbs.

i'd like to be back in british council so that i can waste my tuesday nights away talking to my lovely and razzles.

i have 5 acdg remixes.
i don't like the song but im looking for the exact one in the yelle dance video.
trance music is for bengs.

to album releases tomorrow:
Cobra Starship's Viva La Cobra
and
Say Anything's In Defense of The Genre.

say anything's cover art is wonderfully violent.

2007-10-21T21:56:00.002+08:00

2007-10-21T21:56:00.001+08:00

this is an invitation to an amazing future and i can guarantee it because most futures are

and even if they aren't there are better things to do than blaming me about it

2007-10-20T09:53:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 14TH AMIRAH!

don't be so sad!

2007-10-19T10:26:00.000+08:00

BITCHFEST.

it is the "in" thing to bitch about your pw groupmates, so this is what this post is for.

let the bitching begin.

.
..
...

kah hwee has many friends and family members.
and they are ALL in our pw group.

janice.
bites her nails.
even worse than i do.

zach.
andy's gay life partner.

THAT'S IT.

i have yet to see what my mates have to say about me.

:/

2007-10-18T22:25:00.000+08:00

sometimes when you've already achieved so much, it is easier to give up on whatever it is that you were doing

especially when your face screws up like vgops'.

the last 40 secs of the clip is just too funny.

o god, why am i so tired?
pee-double-you?
yeees.

i'm sinking in iota quicksand.

nilah needs a studie buddy outing
and a day off with dee to paint, rollerblade and watch movies.
and a whole evening with ali and some ice-cream.

sigh, im going to nap now.
hopefully i'll dream about the aforementioned three.

2007-10-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think i talk way too much.

but in the end, i think that i will like that we were sitting in the cubicle, talking and wondering where the time had gone.

why don't we talk some more?

might as well start with talking about backpacking in europe after our a levels.

2007-10-15T09:55:00.000+08:00

this year's theme:
Deep Purple.

2007-10-15T01:36:00.000+08:00

max fischer, the man.

my non-existent bestie.

2007-10-12T23:53:00.000+08:00

for farah's sake.

selamat berhari raya
by rahimah rahim

selamat berhari raya,
Ucapan ku untuk semua,
kita mengeratkan semula,
hubungan saudara yang terpisah,

yang jauh berkirim salam,
yang dekat berkunjung-kunjungan,
maaf dipinta dan diberi,
semoga ikatan berkekalan abadi,

dalam kita bergembira,
pasti ada yang berduka,
enak menjamu selera,
jangan lupa yang tiada,

selamat berhari raya,
walau dimana kau berada,
suka-duka silih berganti,
apa pun dugaan tabahlah menghadapi.

2007-10-11T17:59:00.000+08:00

"it takes a certain degree of thick skin to tolerate bluntness"

o syarah, you're so wise-
like a miniature buddha covered in hair...

papa and mama are picking up the new car today.
the thing about the new car that i don't like is its size.
it's one of those station-wagon-type-things so it's bulky.

well, apparently papa realised his daughters aren't 3 apples tall anymore, so i won't complain because
it won't be necessary for heads to lean on shoulders
what with the extra space we'll have.

however, i was told the car was grey!
what boring choice of colour.
mama claims it's nice becuase it's not JUST grey.
"it's a dark grey"
like that's any less bleak, hmmm?
but i still have yet to see the car...

on the other hand, i like this car because hari raya will be EXCELLENT with the addition of a car with bigger capacity.
more space means more passengers,
more passengers means more happy,
more happy means more raya.

tomorrow is hari raya eve.
i shan't allow school business to ruin my raya mood.
this should also apply to dee, farah, syarah, maria (though i highly doubt it) and razzles (i have a feeling you somewhat celebrate raya).

oh eye-and-are and oh-pee,
DON'T RUIN RAYA.

please?

and i think the post below is hilarious because i was really sleepy but was trying to listen to radiohead's new record, in rainbows.

it's brilliant by the way, huiloo.
puts me in a on-the-fence kind of mood.
melancholy?
idk, i love track 3, nude!

i musn't allow school to destroy the mood.
LET'S GO EYE-AND-ARE.

asman says she wants to have prata with ali.

2007-10-10T21:34:00.000+08:00

i'll stop the world and melt with you.

there's this tree downstairs that's bent over backwards.

look at the arrangement of the trees.
it looks like the "i love you" hand gesture, or spider-man's web-slinging hand action.
this is just too pretty pretty.

hmmmm.
i've been feeling so sleepy these few days.
even my biological clock's screwed.
the moment i close my eyes for a while, i'm sucked into the land of blue shoes and pointed-ear men.

eyelids heavy.
right arm's weakkk.

sigh.

have you ever given away something you love?
i've never done that.

i wrote myself a letter from the future
where humans will be obsolete, and catering is run by machines.

gosh.
watching my fingers hit the keyboard in this sleepy state is so UNREAL.

for a second there, i didn't know what i was doing.

does anybody have Rushmore by Wes Anderson?
i see a lot of myslef in the protagonist.
i just hope i won't end up like him.

2007-10-09T21:14:00.000+08:00

story of the day

saving up a bag full of peak moments she's going to have someday if she can ever get away from all the same old stuff that's holding her back and you can pretty well guess how it's going

2007-10-09T01:13:00.000+08:00

i left my Heart in Fort Canning Park

Everything We Had (SingFest)
by The Academy Is...

at 1:21, you can see ryland blackinton lurking around wearing our "Some People Have SANTI" shirt.

this is a bit creepy...
"only as bright as you wanted me to be..."

2007-10-08T21:54:00.000+08:00

max bemis, i need you.

maria:"sylvia plath... are you depressed?"
me:"yes"
perhaps. maybe.

i can name about 6 things that made me upset today.

i have an extremely low EQ;
try 50-plus.
now let me wallow in this snakepit of self-pity.

i want to bind my feet.
i am ashamed of singapore's shoe scene.
42...

none of the articles i wrote for the new iota were approved.
this is highly upsetting.

i was told off on my views about hari raya.
:/
"it's supposed to be a very sad affair..."

jorghi khan is asking me a lot of annoying questions about the academy is...
not to be a fucking snob or anything,
but i want him to just shut the fuck up because he doesn't know fucking balls about the greatest band in the world
and leave me alone right now.

i'm supposed to spend tomorrow painting with dee at her house
but...
i...
have...

shotgun shooting tomorrow instead.
i can safely say i've watched enough mythbusters to know how to use the damn thing.

i am convinced i am bipolar.

SHIT THE FUCKING PHONE WON'T STOP BEEPING.
--hello?

2007-10-07T08:21:00.000+08:00

my guilty pleasure for hari raya.

RAYA IS FAST APPROACHING.
six days, everyone.
6.

i don't get why people et less excited about this day every year?
this is like the HOLIDAY of the YEAR.
hello- when else can you ever imitate kampong kids in their baju kurungs knowing that you're not like them and that you can tompang cars and not scooters?
ahha, was just kidding.

OKIE, hari raya IS the holiday of the year.
i was BORN to celebrate hari raya.
i can tell you who cooks what when i go on an island-wide expedition to monitor the status of my many relatives.
and i can tell you what tastes good and what doesn't.
i can tell you the names of most dishes too.
i can also tell you how much to eat at a certain house, so that you won't feel very full by the end of the day.

so far, i've established that hari raya is all about food.
actually, in my opinion, YES.
hari raya is ALL about the food.

well, duh.
what better way to celebrate after a month of fasting than eating?

and i'm so pumped right now.
we've made bonbons with ground hazelnuts
and clumpy cornflake clusters in cups.
NOW SAY THAT NINE TIMES.

okie nilah has to go meet kahhwee janice and zach for double-you-are.

hello, secret rose.
friday night was exciting.
yesterday, i was breaking fast at my grandmother's and totally laughed my brains out sipping on tea when i heard the call for breaking fast play on the radio.

and i like this picture because everyone looks funny.
especially a confused michelle lai and relatively expressionless jessie.
studie buddys fl.

this has been a seemingly uninteresting post.
have i lost my sense of humour, people?

2007-10-06T14:57:00.000+08:00

not a secret anymore?

2007-10-06T13:51:00.000+08:00

please teach me to dance like this, Master.

"A Cause des Garcons Remix"
by Yelle.

just in case anyone wanted to know why i flailed my arms out of the blue.

you know you want to dance like that too...

2007-10-04T21:39:00.000+08:00

"BUTCHER SOME PAPER WITH A RAVENOUS PEN."

ahhhh.
faris rotter badwan.

2007-10-02T20:04:00.001+08:00

oh neighbours

you know your dangdut music is too loud when i come knocking on your door.

2007-09-29T23:26:00.000+08:00

[only a matter of time]

i had a very unpleasant dream last night.
concerning my upcoming exams.

for those of you who may not know about it-

i dreamt it was monday already and we were about to start on our h1 lit paper.
it was weird that everyone who took gp were taking this lit paper too.
when it was time to begin, i saw the first question:

"The Battle Of Actium was allocatively inefficient. Discuss." [20]

AHHAHAH.
lit + econs = nightmare combo.

well, someone stood up and shot a teacher.
virginia tech much?

so the paper was postponed and i woke up to get ready to study at michelle lai's carcass house.

michelle lai's house is full of dead animals.
taxidermied, dried, skeletal.
CARCASSES.
and she has an eight-year-old dory-type-thing fish hiding behind dead black coral.

ALRIGHTEY THEN
LET'S GO ELASTICITIES.

promos aye promos is a student's lot.

2007-09-29T04:02:00.000+08:00

your photo albums bore me but the photos don't.

to ungku, grandfather of the century.
76?
wow you're sooo old.

you may not be the wisest person i know,
but you by far have experienced the most out of life.
to the point when all we can ever talk about is nostalgia- little old things like:
who you named me after,
how i slept while i was riding pillion on your vespa,
the time when i could make smart-ass comments and get away with it because i was oh so cute,
when i was wearing batman shirts and refused to wear skirts or dresses.

thank you for being there to make me laugh and smile
at the sound effects you make while we watch
the simpsons or wildlife documentaries.

thank you especially for Egypt,
i really liked how i spent my whole time there with you
as we stayed in the same cruise cabin,
same hotel room,
rode the same camel together.
it's a pity you don't work for airlines anymore...

thanks a million and more for teaching me
whatever my parents didn't.

honestly, sometimes i feel angry at myself for not getting what you're trying to say and pretending as if i understood.
your speech is slurred and you're off-pitch in 26 ways
and being at the other end of the dinner table is not helping either...
but it's funny when you have a grain of rice stuck to the side of your lip
and it refuses to come off when you try to swipe it off with your weathered brown fingers [it feels like manila envelopes, your skin].
and you call it a sheep that's too stubborn to return to its pen.

happy birthday, ungku.

i love you so much and you'll never know it
because im such a wuss at confrontations.
that shall be the one last thing you've left to teach me.
also, i wish i could translate this into malay...

i miss those days when you sent me to marymount
on your vespa and all my friends laughed at me
and my silly helmet
but i didn't mind because i knew i was with you.

from Your Mother's Name.

OH NO I THINK IM GONNA CRY.
time to sahur.

2007-09-28T08:58:00.000+08:00

tomorrow tomorrow

i got static in my head
the reflected sound of everything

tried to go to where it led
but it didn't lead to anything

the noise is coming out
and if it's not out now

i know it's just about
to drown tomorrow out

:\

2007-09-26T07:28:00.000+08:00

"When no one understands you for the little things you do,
When destiny strands you or wears you like a shoe,
That's when you know it's over,
Man, that's when you know it's through.
I never thought that I would be so very big and blue."
-the Tick

word.

2007-09-25T03:34:00.001+08:00

my iq is 128

2007-09-22T06:43:00.000+08:00

momento mori...

a tribute to the berlin shirt.

2007-09-21T18:49:00.000+08:00

a result of The Bell and Edison patents.

6 words are all i need to hear.
2 more days that scream "two more nights"
5 hits to my gut.
1 day, i found a hershey's kiss.
2 vithya's pocket it went, mysteriously.
2 day is my grandmother's 69th birthday
9 movies i have watched this year, none as good as my movie about being seventeen.
1 phone number is what you need to get through to me before i get through to you myself...

all i can hear is your dialtone in my ears.

2007-09-20T11:50:00.000+08:00

if you had to balance as much stuff as i do,
you'd take an hour in the bathroom every morning too.

2007-09-19T13:22:00.000+08:00

a sighting

twoppositends
sweetooth
koalars
chipmunks
seven years
tennis court soundtracks
three sleepless nights
it's good to see you
i missed you last night
that's such a lovely color
it goes with your eyes

2007-09-18T17:24:00.000+08:00

it gets real cluttered in here...

today i started fasting today today before dawn broke i ate cinnamon toast crunch with milk it was incredibly yummy in fact i added more into the bowl before realizing that i had to do the dishes and study for my unnecesary geography test simultaneously after which i showered at 6.40am and freaked out because i ran out of conditioner so i had to make do without conditioner today because i couldn't be bothered with shouting at my family out of the shower to get my sister to take one for me from the other bathroom my hair feels a bit weird today today but at least i'm as clean as you are right so i came to school expecting some "enough with this long assembly" jokes but what do i get i get an annoying maria complaining about my standing at the front for morning assembly and NO SYARAH and mrs lim wearing a panic at the farm getup with a retro purple top and long bell-bottomed velvet black pants which was funny but wasn't enough to get me excited for the day and i was half awake during malay because cikgu was making us do a mini-essay and i had to do extra prayers late last night so i was sleepy and had no syarah to laugh at because she somehow decided that today was a good day to pone but it was not because we played tchoukball [TCHOUKBALL FOR THE WIN] but we lost but that's okie because i pretty much scored a lot and didn't have to waste my energy on running like mariah did because she's so overly enthusiastic, which really is unnecessary did i use the word "unnecessary" twice already oh my and so during gp today we had to go on the board to discuss our AQ but we decided that on top of our points for AQ, jessie and valerie and i had to draw a Vgops and some cinnamon toast crunch cereal because it was just too yummy and we also had fun playing giant tic tac toe on the board behind the big pulled-down screen but we stopped because chong shen wanted to get down to business because we took about half an hour writing down our points and drawing Vgops on the board but i glimpsed at geraldine and i remembered what she told me about 07a07 thinking i'm cool which is pretty cool because nobody ever told me that and i thought i was all along a geek who couldn't do well in exams for some reason and so then after gp i took my unnecessary geography test thanks to habibah did i just use "unnecessary" for the third time i think i did and so the test was the same one we did but i probably had more things to say but that doesn't mean i will pass or get higher than farah or also known as Cleopatra for her unnanounced violent tendencies so the test is now over and i wanted to stay to do my oh so antagonizing EOM but i came to a conclusion that i did not have a copy of it so i took a five minutes break and saw on geraldine's blog the car they spraypainted and i feel sad because i totally contributed a lot of sweet ideas but they never gave me credit because i wasn't there at the time to mark my name but i what i actually wanted to say was i took five minutes to write this because it gets real cluttered in my head...

2007-09-17T15:54:00.000+08:00

2007-09-16T10:58:00.000+08:00

my sanity.*

this goose is cooked, these tongues are tied,
around the block and airborne blind,
but looking on the brighter side,
there's far less to which I'd be obliged,

in the meadow where the black breeze blows,
where underneath the waves, you were most alone,
can you hear a subtle, aching tone?
through the water, through the Earth, trimmed up bone,

looking on the brighter side

*my mom says except for the spex, it's my insanity.

2007-09-15T17:29:00.000+08:00

at least i'm known for something

i'm the one to blame for this
yes I'm the one to blame

best known for failure

/:

why does ali feel as if she writes like a primary school kid?
and why is the herbivore disappointed?
asman just realised she has ali's certificate in her bag.

and asman will write ahmad letters soon.

2007-09-13T21:19:00.001+08:00

gretchen said

"Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just STAB Caesar!

2007-09-12T18:19:00.000+08:00

the last time i'll be so crude.

for fuck's sake, i can't stand my eom.

2007-09-11T19:16:00.000+08:00

dinner conversation.

me: do you eat those ikan bilis?
papa: yes.
me: don't you need to pluck their heads off?
papa: no.
me: why didn't you buy ones with their heads plucked off?
papa: the people in sarawak don't know why it's important to pluck the heads off.
me: that eating ikan bilis heads will make you stupid?
papa: yes. that's why they still live in the jungle. because they're stupid.
me: i'm going to pluck out their heads.
papa: want to go holiday in sarawak again?
me: no. but if bali, yessss.
papa: okie.
me: can we go to greece instead?
papa: want to go to norway?
me: hmmmm. for what? ikea?
papa: no. ice-fishing.
me: if we go to greece, we can fish on a boat in the mediterranean sea. and the weather there would be fine and we can catch some annual festival thingeys also. i checked the contiki guidebooks and schedules but they only go to the more urban places and spend only one or two days at places where i want to go, like santorini or something. does contiki cater to people your age?
papa: want to go to turkey?
me: look. three-headed fish.

this is how a typical conversation goes with my dad when we're alone.

2007-09-09T20:24:00.000+08:00

i still remember one month ago like it was one month ago

03:06, I LOOK LIKE A RETARD YO.

another thing i miss: my lovely.
ali started blogging today.
so funny.
even my fast-breaking moment was documented.

2007-09-09T15:35:00.000+08:00

this is why anti-semitism is absurd.

wiki here
and watch borat.

blame the history channel for this post.

2007-09-08T11:58:00.000+08:00

the thing about headaches is that

you want them to go away when they come,
but you wonder what they feel like when they leave.

i'm having a massive headache right now.
and the drilling caused by the installation of the new sound system is making it feel worse.

you won't like me when i'm angry...

2007-09-07T14:54:00.000+08:00

wannabe surrealist

2007-09-06T23:09:00.000+08:00

goodbye.

dear friends,

i have packed my luggage. now the only thing between me and greece is saying goodbye to you. thanks for everything that you have given me, the laughter and awkward moments, the hope and the haribos.

i'm embarking on my greatest adventure alone tomorrow morning. i'm leaving singapore by ship. i heard a shipment co-ordinator somewhere is offering a ride to athens for $37 and bag of strawberry shortbread, both of which i have.

this is roughly the towns and cities i will visit over the course of the next 5 weeks.
athens- big city
olympia- origin of the olympics
kephaolonia- natural paradise, best mediterranean beaches
karpenisi- gorgeous greek countryside
halkida- urban metropolis yet not as chaotic or busy as big cities
andros-very rural hiking terrain, windsurfing
naxos- olive groves, farms
santorini- white cliff-side buildings, black beaches, snorkeling and horseback riding along the coast
athens- big city, main airport

don't come after me because i won't be coming back until i finish my lifelong dream of seeing all of greece. i will miss you all.

Xo
nilah

ps. i won't change my password

2007-09-05T21:55:00.000+08:00

somebody knows my password...

yessur, somebody posted the previous post below at 2+ am.
i was sleeping like a sedated cassowary from 11+ already.

i love high tea buffets.

ummm, just to clear things up, my house is not a halfway home... so if you want to come over to study, you can, but you need to scoot your asses off before dinner because i want to eat my grandma's food in peace.
and also, i can't really cook, i only bought a can of campbell soup that day...
and my house ran out of cake.
hmmm.
but we can watch movies so long as everyone agrees.

someone please tell me what the hell is going on about the whole Flanigan and Mr Janes sequel?
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR OVER A YEAR FOR IT TO COME OUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

here's a preview of the next mag issue:
it really is super sketchy.

click to enlarge.

AND OH YES I'M HAVING A FLU RIGHT NOW.
i cant taste anything.
i feel old.
oh no, do i need adult diapers?

i feel like such a shit because i keep going to friendster, in the hope that razzles would comment me or something.

i just realised tomorrow i'm going for math remedial at the expense of a paintball session with my sister and her friends.
imogen fishmongering heap better be helpful.

2007-09-05T02:11:00.000+08:00

is nilah alright?

2007-09-04T10:43:00.001+08:00

it's okie, it's alright...
nothing's wrong?

there was one day in school when i told vgops and jessie about how our education consisted primarily of theories which aren't really tangible.
that maybe someone up there in the system created this whole thing to guage our aptitude the way they want to.
my The Man Theory.
like the truman show, y'know.
what if... nothing we see, hear or feel isn't real?

you must be thinking i'm spouting rubbish.

ask yourself-
who controls our hours and minutes?

i was in the bathtub, reading this book about surrealism i bought at the Tate.
and i saw rene magritte's painting, The Door to Freedom.
it really shook me at that moment because i was in that "what am i doing?" mood.
the painting's about this broken window displaying a scenery of some grass and a bunch of trees.
and below the window ledge, on the floor, were a few shattered pieces of the broken window, but they had the scenery painted on them.
pretty creepy right?
yeah, so i thought that if it was possible for The Man to come up with theories like Enzymes and Plate Tectonics,
how hard would it be for him to create the whole system of "knowledge"?
how hard would it be for The Man to...

the most frightening thing in the world right now doesn't even exist.
are you as scared as i am?

ARE WE TANGLED IN A WEB OF DECEIT?
lies, lies, lies...

oh here i go again, challenging something a single idiot could defend.
this is actually to fill my blog with more words, i suppose.
i've always got nothing much to tell you people recently.
by the way, i typed that in two minutes. not bad eh.
considering how my brain feels like confetti at the moment from reading a recent email from friendster.

nothing much, except:

razzles accepted my friend request on friendster.
[couldn't help but to put that in, ali]
oh well. a week we've survived.

i just ate the best cupcake i've ever had in my life ten minutes ago.

i'm a bit unwell today.
i've been sneezing like a mad santi all day long.
my nose drips like a faulty umbrella in a drizzle.

i feel atrophied.
now that i'm not committed to an athletic cca for once in my life, i feel my muscles have shrunk.
thus, i have decided:
I WILL GO BLADING TOMORROW EVEN IF IT RAINS.

2007-09-03T21:53:00.000+08:00

strange parallel

i got my hands on a copy of Elliott Smith's XO.
he songs are deeper than anything you have ever listened to.
the feeling is just so incredible.

and i found this weird documentary about him on youtube.
it's half an hour long, so watch it only if you have the time.

who wants to study at nilah's place?
let's see, i can cook, i can feed you cakes, and i have a wide range of awesome videos to watch.
and damn good ventilation.

one last thing, before i nod off to sleep:

2007-09-02T22:49:00.000+08:00

tonight, the Bulls are in Brooklyn and you're still at home

singfest's greetings from sisky biz and yours truly.

"hmmm. where are my eyes?"

2007-09-01T21:38:00.000+08:00

story of the day.

i had a dream where i was flying around carrying a microphone and listening in on everybody's conversations and there was a man speaking German but it didn't matter because it was nothing i was interested in anyway and i knew if i kept flying around i'd happen on something useful, but when i woke up i was sad because even though i knew how to fly all i was doing was chasing after other people's thoughts and it's not surprising i never heard anything worth stopping for.

2007-09-01T14:05:00.000+08:00

Neighbors (Acoustic)
by The Academy Is...

watch out for sisky at 2:25.

i miss the 9th of August.

2007-08-31T20:57:00.000+08:00

asman and ali need not speak in each other's company.

and today was a day just like any other

i'm on the verge, i'm on the verge
unraveling with every word
with every word you say, make me believe

don't stop me, i'm ready to drop

2007-08-29T20:56:00.000+08:00

why am i in your circular measure diagram?

2007-08-28T23:49:00.000+08:00

hey there hello.

GOODBYE

2007-08-26T22:24:00.000+08:00

ketna patel interview part uno

NILAH: We read from a website that you’ve been to three different countries. Our question is, how has seeing the world influenced your perception on art?

KP: Well, there’s a direct relationship. You observe things, you digest them and you reflect them in your art. It’s simple. It helps you have more conversations with yourself in your habitat. And through this conversation … Its like me and you. If you meet me, I talk to you, and you talk back to me, and I say something, and you’ll tell me more. Then we have a nice conversation. Girls are very good at doing this, boys are not so good right? We can just get together and have a cup of tea, and end up talking.

And from that, you impart information. You change me as a person, and I change you, slightly even subconsciously. So it’s the same thing when it comes to traveling. You’re like a sponge, you just absorb information. And it all comes out.

NILAH: What inspires you and how do you keep motivated when things get tough?

KP: What inspires me? Ordinary people inspire me. Ordinary people in ordinary situations. Untold stories, history, heritage, colour. Stories of people. Everyday people. What makes somebody who they are, what makes somebody tick. That inspires me.

Issues of identity always strike a chord in me, for some reason. I am attracted to any situation where the real identity of a person or a country is quite strong, but they might not know it, how to empower a person or situation to be more confident of who they are. They don’t need to change, they just need to embrace it.

How do I get motivated? I either sleep, or go for a change in scene. A change of scene, to get away from your problems and forget about them, just by immersing yourself in a different experience. It can then shed some light on your problems, just by distancing yourself.

Or sometimes just saying, I don’t know what the answer is. I’m just going to let the matter rest, or sleep on it or just leave it on the shelf. Not worry so much about the outcome. Like, okay I’ve done my best now my brain is all maxed out. And you come to a point where you can’t think or do anything more. And you think enough is enough, time out.

And then you just do something completely different. Like go to Wal Mart, or go to sleep. Or go to India. I just went to India and I came back a few days ago. Whatever you can afford to do, or whatever you have time for. But I think its not a good idea for you to be stuck in your problem. Because there comes a time when you say, okay I just cant do anymore, time out. And even if somebody is expecting something from you, you just say; look, I’m sorry but I can’t do it. I’m sorry to disappoint, or whatever, but I need time. And usually the problem just sorts itself out. Usually. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes it never happens. But you know, I don’t have to answer your question.

NILAH: What’s the best and worst part of being an artist?

KP: The best part is your freedom. The worst part is … a lack of validation by your immediate family and your community.

NILAH: Thank you. If your art were a dish, what would it be?

KP: Rojak. Because it’s all mixed up.

NILAH:
Do you believe whether artistic creativity is innate generally or personally?

KP: Yes, everybody is creative. But it can also mean being creative in engineering, mathematics or physics. Creativity is the act of doing something new with information you already have. So that doesn’t have to be with paints or crayons. Even being an accountant, you can be a creative accountant or a creative housewife or a creative mother. Finding out different ways of keeping your spirit alive. That’s creativity. Everyone has the potential to be creative.

Even when a man and a woman make love, they’re pro-creating the degree of a child. So without creativity, there is no existence.

NILAH: Do you have any other interests other than creating art?

KP: Creating art is not an interest, it’s a by product of life. Its not something you can compartmentalize. Its not like, oh, from four to five, I’ll be creative and produce art, then I’ll go read a book, then I’ll go have coffee at coffee bean, then I’ll knit a sweater. With creativity, you cant do that.

Do I have any other interests other than creating art? I wouldn’t pose that question, because it makes it sound like art is an interest. But its an attitude, its not a product with a price tag.

So do I have any other interests? Yeah, traveling, cooking, reading, watching films, doing yoga, swimming. Just like normal people, I do all these other things. And good art can only come out if you have a balanced lifestyle and if you’re constantly interested in people and the life around you.
You can’t just work in a box. You need to constantly be out in the world, and then you can be inspired by something or you want to tell a story about something, and you can come back and do that. You’re like a storyteller. Art is like storytelling. How can you tell a story if you never go out there or meet people and learn anything? Then your stories are so boring.

NILAH: Do you have any advice for starting artists?

KP: Don’t do it for the money. Just be authentic and be true to yourself. Because its not an easy journey, but its very rewarding. But not necessarily materially rewarding. Its rewarding in many other ways, in self knowledge or in self growth. You can do something very meaningful with your life if you take on an artistic pursuit. But be prepared to be strong because you might not be validated by people around you.

You might not have money in the bank, or a big car or a condo or whatever. But you have to be okay with that. You have to be okay with your mom and dad thinking that you’re a loser sometimes. Stuff like that.

NILAH: That bad?

KP: Its not that bad! They just don’t understand it. They keep thinking that they’ve put you through school and everything, and you just end up being an artist. You know, what a waste.

But actually that’s something that, the Singapore community for example, needs to understand or appreciate about art. How useful it is and how important it is. We don’t have that in our culture. And it starts of with our moms and dads, our aunts and uncle, not some faraway government official. It starts with your immediate family.

NILAH: Do you manage your business or does someone else do it for you?

KP: No, I do not. I do it myself.

NILAH: We’ve run out of questions.

KP: Then just talk! Well, how did the two of you feel when you came the other day? Did you talk about it at all, or only recently when the assignment came up?

NILAH: We were talking about you, almost everyday for a period of time.

KP: Really? I’m sure not all of it was nice.

NILAH: We were talking about quotes. We were using your quotes in our everyday lives.

KP: So you were the girl who wrote me that letter!

NILAH: No, that was Syarah. My friend.

KP: THAT WAS A REALLY GOOD LETTER! Did she get my reply?

NILAH: Yes, yes she did. Yah, so we were saying things like …

JESSIE: ‘I don’t know what I want but I know what I don’t want’

NILAH: Yah, that was the most famous one.

KP: That was a good one.

NILAH: ‘its okay to be lost’

KP: Oh yah, okay.

NILAH: That was quite meaningful. Especially now. And we were thinking about how nice it would be to just leave, and come back to find that we were broke.

LAUGHTERRRRRRRRRRRR.

KP: How nice it would be?

NILAH: Yah, as in, it would be nice to not know where to go. And came back broke, but not feeling down at all. Like you did. Yah, you said it was just a drag, right?

KP: Yes, it was a drag but its not the end of the world. But, what part seemed not possible for you guys? Because you’re a different age group. So, why are you saying things like ‘it would be nice if we could do that?’ Almost inferring that there is no way you could do it.

NILAH: We cant do it because …

JESSIE: We cant leave everything behind and just go off.

KP: Well, not now! Not right now. Lets say, hypothetically, you were 23, and you’re not married. You’ve finished school with a degree in whatever it is you want to do, what would stop you?

JESSIE: Family, I guess. Other people.

NILAH: Responsibilties.

KP: What responsibilities are you having at the age of 23? Lets make it 20, 21, to make it easier.

NILAH: If there were no responsibilities, money I guess.

KP: Okay lets use your scenario. From the three of you, are you all interested in taking a year of traveling?

IOTA: YES.

KP: Okay, so it’s a plan. You need a plan. You have to save up for two years and go. You cant just wake up one morning and leave. I mean, traveling is expensive. So youre 17 now, and say you decided that youre going to save for two years and take 6 months off. And you ask yourself, how much do I need for those six months? It also depends on which country youre traveling to.

Okay, lets take a real life scenario. Like, one of you volunteer, which country would you like to go to?

NILAH: Greece.

KP: Greece? Chose an expensive one. HAHA. So you want to go to Greece, for how many months? Are you going to work there?

NILAH: Well, it would be fun to. Maybe around one month I guess?

KP: Okay. So that’s not too difficult. Either you do it on your own, or you could go with a friend. You will need you air ticket which costs about a thousand dollars. And to work there, you could research on the internet to see what sort of things are available. You could volunteer or do whatever it is that you’re good at there. That would be cheaper. Because you got a place to stay, you can work and take the weekends off to look around or whatever.

Or you could be a tourist. You can go out and buy a Lonely Planet Degree or whatever. And you can plot your journey. Because I really think that once you start thinking about it and start thinking it’s going to be real and equip yourself for it. Like getting a map, and time and this and that. Then its almost like you put that thought out, and you will attract it. Its almost like, that book called The Secret that has recently come out. Have you heard about it?
Well, it’s the really famous book that everybody is reading at the moment. The DVD is much better than the book and its called The Secret. What it says is that there is a lot of energy empowered to thoughts. If you think of something and you keep thinking about it, it will happen. Even if it’s a bad thing, it will happen. That’s why you shouldn’t think that thoughts have no power, they can be quite dangerous. So if you keep thinking about somebody you hate or love, it will manifest in your life.

So if you really want to go to Greece, think about it, take an interest in it, go to the library and read about it, and start plotting a chart or whatever. And then, out of the blue, I guarantee you, there will come an opportunity for you to go to Greece. I guarantee you.

You don’t even need to figure out everything, you know. Somehow, you will make connections. Somehow. Its like when you go to a dinner party, and youre thinking that its going to be really boring, maybe its your aunt’s dinner party. And you might meet someone who recommends a book. The next day, you might end up at Borders and youre not really thinking about it, but you happen to see the book. And you think to yourself, ah, maybe I should just buy it. Then you just buy it for five dollars. And one day youre just bored, and you think, maybe I should look through it.

And when you read it, something in it really says something to you. That’s how it starts. It could start innocently with you wanting to go to Greece and you end up meeting somebody at your aunty’s house. She tells you about a book. And then the book tells you something. Thats how it happens. It really, really happens like that.

But you really got to start by having that intent, and the rest will take care of itself. If you want to go to Greece, its not like you can sit there and then Greece will happen, right? Start by having an interest in the subject, and somehow it will come to you. Someway or another. Maybe you’ll fall in love with a Greek man or something will happen. Its like tuning into a radio channel, every thought has a frequency or vibration. If you think on that frequency, that you’ll be able to access other thoughts on the frequency.

So if your Greek idea has a certain frequency, about yourself as a person, about what you want to do. And certain things that you might not understand in your brain, you might understand in your heart. Tune in to that frequency. And somebody else who’s also playing around with that radio station tunes in to the same frequency, and you will connect. At that frequency. And that’s how it will happen. Including love, and jobs and everything. I really wish I could tell you how important this is.

If you really have a strong belief, you don’t have to worry about the practical stuff, it will just work out. But you’ve got to really believe it, like you really wanna go to Greece or you really want to do this or you really … you know. Okay, like what do you want to really do? Or you’re not quite sure?

LOO: Yah, im not quite sure. Well, I wanted to be a fashion designer. But then, I’m in a JC now and its more academic. So I’m not really following my dreams.

KP: Okay, well you know. Youre doing your basic education right now. You’ll be doing you’re A levels right? What subjects do you have to do to fulfill fashion design?

LOO: Well, I should be taking art but. Im not taking it.

KP: Why aren’t you taking it?

LOO: Well, I dunno. Maybe im just afraid to take it up. Its very time-consuming with its projects and all. It will actually be better if I just go to an art school now rather than go to a JC, and take art.

KP: So what subjects are you taking then?

LOO: Oh, Literature, Economics and Maths.

KP: Economics and Maths? So why Economics and Maths? Are you good at that?

LOO: There wasn’t really a choice.

KP: No choice? But are you good at these subjects?

LOO: Well, not really. As in, you pick three compulsory subjects.

KP: So why didn t you choose something like Art? Or History? Well, which subjects would you ideally have taken? As in, on your part, what subjects would be ideal?

to be continued...

2007-08-26T18:58:00.000+08:00

poor old johnny ray...

to commemorate this joyous occasion of celebrating the longevity of everyday-paper, i shall put up my ultimate favourite oldie-but-goodie:

Come On Eileen
by Dexys Midnight Runners

i have no santi idea what the lead is singing, but the whole song just makes me feel so many levels of excitement.
it doesn't really have a stable beat, it keeps going from moderate to fast to slow and it goes on and on...
the singer's an ugly fug though...

ketna patel never fails to inspire.
"embrace what you are"

2007-08-25T11:39:00.000+08:00

i like some commiseration...

nothing much has been resolved since the start of this week.
there is nothing much i can do, but to sleep on the matter and move on to the more crucial things, i.e. promos.
thank you all so much for the solace and such.

this is what i mean; stuff like holding a cd upside-down while posing for the camera.

where are your eyes?

okie shannelle, what's with the 4-month-long coma!?

i'll be having an interview with ketna patel later, we'll see how it goes.

this is my 999th post.

2007-08-24T19:58:00.000+08:00

Everything We Had
by The Academy Is...

i really didn't expect this.

and because i know you want to see the reverse of the reverse, here it is:

sounds like sigur ros.
spot the loophole.

2007-08-22T23:24:00.000+08:00

convergence

i have this theory of convergence, that good things always happen with bad things.
i know you have to deal with them at the same time, but i just don't know why they have to happen at the same time.
i just wish i could work out some schedule.
[or] + [maybe] + [sort] + [it] + [out], like maclaurin's or something.
am i just babbling?
do you know what i mean?

hmmm~
guess who's on tv.

2007-08-21T22:57:00.000+08:00

waiting for
whenever

we said
we'd talk but
why
would she
wait to
wake up?

oh
well,
when
would
we
work this out, i
will never know.

why oh
why did i
weep

2007-08-20T09:11:00.000+08:00

shaken and faint.

i may need a shrink.
may.

but i promise, really that it won't happen again.

sorry is too overused.
but i think i've disappointed enough people.

still can't say much though.

and thanks.

2007-08-19T21:58:00.000+08:00

we're all going down...

burnt to a crisp i cant sleep from the sound
of the train of thought inside of me
so i grab the keys as the clock
it starts to smile
5 in the am seems so surreal
where the red lights are friends
with the automobiles
and just want you to stop
and say hi for awhile
because we just want to be heard
and act like we're better
than anyone else or not to feel lower
so laugh when they cry
jump when they're down
smile when they frown
we're all going down...
we're all going down...
so take a hi-five from another zombie
that walks in the bar
straight out of a movie
where 10 dollar drinks
are the highlight of his week
and all of the kitty cats
get out their catty kits
sit and they talk shit
about this bitch and that bitch
and makes me feel a little better about me

by Butch Walker and The-Let's-Go-Out-Tonites.

crit came back on tcl.
haha he's so funny and mature and i'm a lurker!

2007-08-18T11:58:00.000+08:00

10 things about me:

1. i never actually had a real best friend. although i claim to have one, i really don't know if i have ever disclosed very deep feelings to anyone. not even my sisters maybe.

2. i don't know why people don't take me seriously.

3. i am for the counter-culture.

4. four letters: INFP.

5. there never was a cactus to begin with.

6. i'm socially awkward 70% of the time.

7. i strongly believe that sunday is the first day of the week.

8. i'm an extrovert in an introvert's body.

9. i have not seen my grandmother in ten days.

10. so remember when i said i had problems with disclosing my emotions? it's rare that all these bottled up feelings drive me over the edge.
when i was 14-15, i had a behavioural disorder nobody knew about, not even my parents. whenever i was angry or sad, i'd hit myself with a metal sigg bottle. i thought the real pain took away the emotions. i would lie to get around explaining the bruises on my arms, saying a vase fell on me blah blah.
hmmmm. this is really personal, i have no idea why i would type this out.
to those whom i've lied to, i'm sorry. and don't worry about me anymore, i'm all for to-write-love-on-her-arms now.

geraldine listed me to do this, i would rather post more pictures...
since i know everyone would rather do something else...
i shall not bother anyone with this list.

i am aware that there are idiots out there comparing me to luna lovegood or nica sivalingam or wednesday addams or some outcasted rebellious daydreamer.
i'd be lying if i said i disagreed with you.

grinning as i slink back into obscurity

i must buy:
sherwood, crowned king , elliot smith and eisley [alternatively, you can lend them to me if you have any].
that headband i saw on madalene.
and more socks because everything's so mismatched yet i can't be bothered to pair the right ones back together again!